Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
