The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
