so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
