Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
