In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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