i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize