so explain again why im purple
no
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
