I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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