I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
