Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
