I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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