i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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