dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
