i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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