lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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