im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
