Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
