she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
