So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
