Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
