She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
