He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
