I must be too annoying 4 u.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
