brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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