I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
