Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
