Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
