Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just pee around me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Drake has all the answers
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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