Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
