Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize