dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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