Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
