You made me cry and you don't even care
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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