cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
