corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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