my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
