I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
