He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
