My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize