i permit you to call me
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
