Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
