Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i think im in europe. pls send help
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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