Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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