gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
