you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
