he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
