need another drink. this is the easiest way
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
