It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
