Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
