Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
