used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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