Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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