I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
