last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
