Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
