guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
