we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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