Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
