he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
