The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
