Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
