I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
