No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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