just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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