I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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