So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I want to have your abortion
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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