so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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