I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
