Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize