its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
