My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
