Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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